Bim Ellen, the world’s angriest (smallest!) pumpkin

For whatever reason, I really lagged on getting a pumpkin this year for Halloween. It’s already October 24th and I just bought my festive gourds this afternoon. There’s no excuse, it’s disgusting. Who in their right mind procrastinates on purchasing pumpkins!? It’s like waiting until 5pm to drink on St. Patrick’s Day – it’s unexcusable. Well, I repented today by driving down to my local farmers’ market while waiting for some homemade pizza dough to rise. As a kid, my family would go to the pumpkin patch at Craven Farms. We search through fields and fields of pumpkins for the perfect (or most hideous) gourd to purchase. There was face painting, a petting zoo, a corn maze, silly treats and tons of photos! Well, sadly I don’t live near a pumpkin patch and the free time that I do have isn’t best spent driving to Princeton to find an orange friend. The farmers’ market served me well!

Which one will be mine?

Through wooden shelves of pumpkins, I searched. Not nearly as nostalgic as physically cutting your gourd from the vine, but beggars can’t be choosers. After about a half an hour, I selected three pumpkins. Not because I needed three for anything dire, I just wanted more than one!

Lemme tell ya, waddling with three rolly polly puh-kins over to your car is a joke. I almost dropped my orange friends on the sidewalk! Regardless, we made to the car

The boys!

and the boys rode baller status in the back seat. Things got a little out of control from that point on. As anticipated, one pumpkin ended up having more personality than the others. The littlest puh-kin turned out to be quite a screamer. He was fussy and liked to be the center of attention. When I was trying to gather the boys to get them into the house, I obviously had to give the larger two pumpkins some additional TLC since they weighed the most. However, little baby wasn’t havin’ that at all and he almost rolled out from under my chin onto the cement to a certain death! I had to make two trips up and down my long stairway since he was being such a bitch.

When I got everyone inside and onto the table, the smallest pumpkin demanded to have his face cut first. I was going to do something cutesy and nice, but his attitude was so ridiculous that I made the executive decision to showcase his personality to the fullest. Me, me, me!

Whatever. I put him on the window sill in my living room to display to the neighborhood that I am indeed participating in Halloween this year. I went outside and made the attempt

Are you KIDDING me right now?!

to take a photo of my new decoration but the window was too high and my pumpkin was just too small. After running up and down my neighbors’ porches in a vain attempt to capture my amazing carving job on film, I gave up and came back into the apartment only to find that the little shit was trying to eat Nick’s plant! I couldn’t believe my eyes.

He’d been a part of my life for barely half an hour and he’d made himself at home in the grossest sense of the phrase! I promptly gave him the horrid name of Bim Ellen.

Bim Ellen's delicious insu.

Carving pumpkins comes with the reward of delicious seeds, so I made a rosemary and sea salt medley from Bim Ellen’s insides. Those suckers take about an hour to make, so I tried to busy myself with other tasks like pizza kneading and cleaning. Bim blew out his candle twice before I had to bring him into the kitchen and chaperone him like an infant. I didn’t give two thoughts about eating my finished seeds in front of him until he jumped into the pan and started having a fit. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the little munchies were his guts. It just would have been so uncomfortable.

Cut it out, will ya?

The night was just ruined after that. I couldn’t blog because he was just staring at me and making that damned face. I’m kinda scared to carve the other two, I can’t handle another pumpkin personality!


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One Response to “Bim Ellen, the world’s angriest (smallest!) pumpkin”

  1. paulduffy1 Says:

    Laura, so sorry to hear about your small, angry little puh-kin. To straighten him up you could threaten him… like taking away his socks, kicking him in the gourd, or cutting his face off… just don’t get too drastic.

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