Archive for June, 2012

When you break my heart, I charge you in Cotton

June 19, 2012

Ehhh, you might not have broken my heart, but I like your clothes… a lot. Women’s sports gear is nothing like men’s. It’s a sales tool created by backstabbing marketing women who work for the hoodie companies, if you ask me. These damned women know that other women prefer the comfort of men’s clothing when relaxing as opposed to their own damned clothing. Which then begs the question: Why aren’t women’s hoodies as bad ass as men’s hoodies? The two hoodies that I have are small and not really comfortable. However, the hoodies I’ve acquired from my ex’s are SO much better! They usually smell pleasant, they’re spacious and of course, wildly soft. I can’t believe it! I would so buy a hoodie that replicated these specifications, but they aren’t sold in any department store that I’m aware of … therefore, I keep yours!

I mean, you’re not getting this back. Sorry.

When couples break up, there is the usual exchanging of things: You get your Mac Air back, both flat screen TVs, the Ipad, etc. I keep the couch… the shitty couch that neither of us wanted. I had to buy everything all over again, and while I completely enjoyed purchasing new things… it was still about 3K of new crap. However, I’m keeping the Abercrombie hoodie!

2.0 brought over a slew of clothes for me to keep. The tooth brush got pitched, but I have some of the most comfortable bed time clothes ever. I’m always amazed by this constant steady trend: Who knew that men’s clothes would be so much more comfortable than women’s clothes? I mean, I’m about ready to date a man based upon his wardrobe… and what I want to wear.

I have this pair of designer jeans that I bought for my most recent ex back in the day when everything was Dorothy’s magic rainbow. Now they have rips in them in the ass and around the knees, but my god, these suckers are SO comfortable that I wear them around the city on my days off regardless of my showing skin. They’re Rockin’ Republic and after years of wear and tear, these jeans are so comfortable and loose, I feel like I’m wearing elephant skin. No, I don’t look attractive or professional, but hell, they’re designer.

A drawer for chilly nights!!

I have quite the assortment of “assassin” hoodies. These are men’s hoodies that are over sized on me of course, and they offer shelter from the sunshine in the AM. I love it. Both hoodies are black but one is thin and great for summer weather while the other is a tad thicker for a cold morning. I have two lovely choices and no one is taking them away from me.

Also, I have a great pair of shorts that some doofus donated to the cause. When I sleep with form-fitting jammie bottoms, they imprint on my hips and contrict my breathing all at the same time. However, these nice new gym shorts I have are much more comfortable and spacious. Don’t get me wrong, I adore skinny jeans and flashy tight shirts but my goodness, I also appreciate late night wear that doesn’t make me look attractive by smashing my bits into forms that only hold for a few hours!

So, boys, you’re never getting your clothes back. You told me to screw or I lost interest and here we go: We’re no longer together and I have a new bedtime/slummin’ wardrobe.