Archive for July, 2014

The Perplexing Dynamic of 1403

July 11, 2014

MAN BEAR PIG in their yard

I lied. My next post won’t be about the Indian food Jason and I unfortunately ate. It will be about the odd situation that is House 1403. A month ago, I received a note on my car when I apparently parked too close to an unmarked spot which my neighbors in 1403 have most decidedly claimed as their own. “It’s NOT okay to park here” – it read. What the shit?? Why not? There are no towing signs or handicaps memorabilia. No. Rather, this was a section of the road staked out for 1403. The large, creepy house which would rather use their driveway as a porch for BBQs while taking up the entire cul-de-sac for their own. Adorable. So this got me wondering: Why the hell do they need the whole cup-de-sac for their cars? The area can hold four cars comfortably – why am I receiving posted notes? I wrote back: “Passive agressive notes are dumb” and left for the weekend to visit Maryland. The cars in front of 1403 all rotate, save for one: A massive 1970s suburban. That’s always there, windows rolled down and saddle-cloth seats proudly displayed for all to view. What’s really striking is the inconsistency with these other cars. Every four days or so, there’s one of those dumb YouRent/Go Cars – you know the type, the little lego cars which constantly clog up Seattle’s parking spaces. Then there’s a Hybrid of some sort and most recently, two to three motorcycles of varying value have taken up the cul-de-sac. Also intriguing: the license plates aren’t always local. A few weeks back, there was one plate from some provence in Canada… I forgot to take a photo as I was coming back from an exhausting run.

The dreaded suburban

The dreaded suburban

I can only conclude that the suburban owner rents out portions of his home OR, and maybe even better, he subscribes to the couch surfing population! While housing the traveling masses, suburban has opted NOT to use his driveway but rather the entire dead end for his visitors. Which would be perfectly cool if he lived in Kansas and didn’t need to share the col-de-sac with other members of society. :photos & more to come: The most recent addition to this parking debacle has been the presence of a maroon Toyota truck. Maroon truck has taken upon itself the task of parking as close to my very steep driveway in order to prohibit the parking of any other car on the left but also prohibits the parking of any car to the right as the maroon truck makes sure to park in a complete dick-head manner. You can’t park on my steep driveway; your car will literally roll down the hill. But no one can park to the right of the damn truck in the col-de-sac because the driver of maroon truck AND suburban have clearly discussed how to obscond the entire area with their cars: Maroon is on the far left, Suburban in the far right. ONE CAR IN THE MIDDLE. That car is usually the obnoxiously earth-conscious Prius. Three cars clogging up an area that could easily hold four – five, really, if we were so bold. If you have a driveway and yet you’ve chosen to turn it into a sitting area, you have a Man-Bear-Pig in your yard to welcome neighbors, you drive a fuckin’ 1970s suburban and you rent out your couches to random vagabonds, couldn’t you maybe find it in your heart not to be a total dick and share the cul-de-sac with the rest of the neighbors? I don’t care if you want to whore out your house, just stop whoring out Warren St’s dead end.