Posts Tagged ‘women’

How much money do you make…?

January 11, 2014

Isn’t it funny how we present ourselves to perfect strangers? A dude sitting next to me at one of my favorite pubs once blurted out his annual salary unprovoked. I’m pretty sure I said something to the effect of “good for you”, but what I found more intriguing was the nature of this boast. Why, oh why, would you belch out a yearly figure to some random girl in a Jack Wills sweatshirt sitting on a bar stool? The obvious answer is to try and be as enticing as possible; however, how many Facebook posts and shared news articles from HuffingtonPost label women as gold diggers and cash-hungry bitches? Who’s really propagating this?

Cash for Dinner...?

Cash for Dinner…?

There’s an online site that one of my friends was once a part of wherein socially awkward, yet wealthy men bid on women for dates. These women would then go out to some of the nicest restaurants in Boston for free on this goofy, loaded dude’s arm. Nothing sexual needed to happen or was even expected – the men just wanted to go out with a pretty lady for a change. Who’s worse here? The girl who took the money to pay her bills or the man who couldn’t pull it together and ask a gorgeous woman out the traditional way. Someone without blame, please throw a stone. Some man actually prefer to make more money than their ladies anyway, so why the hell does it matter if everyone knows she’s WELL taken care of? A man wants a beautiful wife, a woman wants a wealthy husband. This website helps both parties, I suppose.

My girlfriend had her fake tits paid for by her boyfriend two years ago. They broke up last December. Obviously he doesn’t get to take back those cans, but I know she didn’t date him with the intention of having plastic surgery paid for in full. Oddly enough, she never talked about breast enlargements till they started dating…. What a nice present though! However, given that her ex drove a really nice car and (shocking) pretty much immediately told her how much he made, I can assume she knew she’d be taken care of. But then he re-arranged her body – or encouraged her to do so and provided her with funding at least. Who’s the brat here? My friend for taking the free pair of boobs or her boyfriend for not accepting her for just the person she was?

If the pick up line you run on me includes telling me your salary, expect that I will either A. Think you’re lying, and refuse or B. Expect to be labeled as a money grubbing bitch when we break up, and refuse. And all you really had to do was something witty like… Say Hello.

So, how much money DO you make? Does it really matter?


When you break my heart, I charge you in Cotton

June 19, 2012

Ehhh, you might not have broken my heart, but I like your clothes… a lot. Women’s sports gear is nothing like men’s. It’s a sales tool created by backstabbing marketing women who work for the hoodie companies, if you ask me. These damned women know that other women prefer the comfort of men’s clothing when relaxing as opposed to their own damned clothing. Which then begs the question: Why aren’t women’s hoodies as bad ass as men’s hoodies? The two hoodies that I have are small and not really comfortable. However, the hoodies I’ve acquired from my ex’s are SO much better! They usually smell pleasant, they’re spacious and of course, wildly soft. I can’t believe it! I would so buy a hoodie that replicated these specifications, but they aren’t sold in any department store that I’m aware of … therefore, I keep yours!

I mean, you’re not getting this back. Sorry.

When couples break up, there is the usual exchanging of things: You get your Mac Air back, both flat screen TVs, the Ipad, etc. I keep the couch… the shitty couch that neither of us wanted. I had to buy everything all over again, and while I completely enjoyed purchasing new things… it was still about 3K of new crap. However, I’m keeping the Abercrombie hoodie!

2.0 brought over a slew of clothes for me to keep. The tooth brush got pitched, but I have some of the most comfortable bed time clothes ever. I’m always amazed by this constant steady trend: Who knew that men’s clothes would be so much more comfortable than women’s clothes? I mean, I’m about ready to date a man based upon his wardrobe… and what I want to wear.

I have this pair of designer jeans that I bought for my most recent ex back in the day when everything was Dorothy’s magic rainbow. Now they have rips in them in the ass and around the knees, but my god, these suckers are SO comfortable that I wear them around the city on my days off regardless of my showing skin. They’re Rockin’ Republic and after years of wear and tear, these jeans are so comfortable and loose, I feel like I’m wearing elephant skin. No, I don’t look attractive or professional, but hell, they’re designer.

A drawer for chilly nights!!

I have quite the assortment of “assassin” hoodies. These are men’s hoodies that are over sized on me of course, and they offer shelter from the sunshine in the AM. I love it. Both hoodies are black but one is thin and great for summer weather while the other is a tad thicker for a cold morning. I have two lovely choices and no one is taking them away from me.

Also, I have a great pair of shorts that some doofus donated to the cause. When I sleep with form-fitting jammie bottoms, they imprint on my hips and contrict my breathing all at the same time. However, these nice new gym shorts I have are much more comfortable and spacious. Don’t get me wrong, I adore skinny jeans and flashy tight shirts but my goodness, I also appreciate late night wear that doesn’t make me look attractive by smashing my bits into forms that only hold for a few hours!

So, boys, you’re never getting your clothes back. You told me to screw or I lost interest and here we go: We’re no longer together and I have a new bedtime/slummin’ wardrobe.